| I don't consider this a mistake. I just wish the story didn't end this way. |
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| She seemed dressed in all of me, stretched across my shame. |
[13 Dec 2004|09:25pm] |
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Vermillion Part 2- Slipknot |
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Let it snow. <3
Four more days till I leave with Molly for the weekend. <3
Went to the mall tonight with Danielle & Airrick. Drew was there. I talked alot with him. We got out some things that needed to be said. We're just friends and I am sure that we will never be more. But when we went out so he could smoke a cig he let me hold him which meant so much to me.. I know it didn't mean anything to him... But for the past few weeks I have fallen asleep every night crying because I want Michael so badly, he is the best thing that ever happened to me. & I'm glad Drew let me hold him, so I could pretend I had somebody. He is a very good friend. If he is reading this I just want to let him know I appreciate him alot and I am glad we have had so many (good and bad) times together.
I love Michael more than ever. I want to run away and be with him. It would be like awakening from the most horrendous nightmare to the sight of a perfect and heavenly angel.
One day I am going to be with him. There isn't a single doubt in mind. The only thing that makes me cry is I can't have him now. I'm such an impatient brat, but I want to be with him to wipe his tears and cuddle with him, inhale his scent and become one.
He is my angel. He is the blood in my veins. He is everything that keeps me alive. He is all I ever think and dream about. He is everything to me.
He is everything to me, the unrequited dream. The song that no one sings.. The unattainable. He's a myth that I have to believe in. All I need to make it real is one more reason.
I always wonder when I'm lying in bed at night trying to fall asleep if he is thinking the same thoughts that constantly cross my mind.
Dear God, I love him.
He is all I want for Christmas.
He is all I want for the rest of my entire existance, dead or alive.
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| Bared on your tomb. I'm a prayer for your loneliness. |
[10 Dec 2004|11:47pm] |
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Nymphetamine- Cradle of Filth |
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If I felt like typing up a worth-reading entry, or if I had the time, I'd probably drone on about how tonight my mood basically went downhill, how I saw Steve for the first time since around July, how we didn't even make eye contact all night, how I realized I fuck everything up, how I'm not good enough for anyone and NEVER will be, how I concluded I'd be erased from everyone's minds in just monthes if I died, and how in-fucking-credibly hideous I am.
There is nothing I like about me. There is no one who cares about me. There is nothing about humankind that I appreciate, except for music.
I'm getting kicked off. I'll most likely be up till 3 crying my eyes out.
I HATE SEEING PEOPLE KISSING, HUGGING, & HOLDING HANDS. I HATE IT.
WHY CAN'T I HAVE A PURPOSE? WHY CAN'T I HAVE SOMEONE THERE FOR ME?
WHY CAN'T I MATTER TO SOMEBODY.
Vermillion Dove: ex boyfriends are bad news
shutup19: ?
Vermillion Dove: i just loved seeing steve tonight
Vermillion Dove: and having my existance ignored.
Vermillion Dove: mm'mm funn.
shutup19: aww
shutup19: im sorry
Vermillion Dove: it's okay.
Vermillion Dove: but really, nothing fucks over your night then seeing people you think are your friends being all over some one you miss with all of your heart
Vermillion Dove: and it's not so much i want to be back with him, because i'd just fuck up again
Vermillion Dove: i just wish we talked.
Vermillion Dove: maybe then i wouldn't feel like i made one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
shutup19: i hear ya
shutup19: i screwed up me and patty
Vermillion Dove: Atleast you see her. Atleast you talk to her.
shutup19: its not the same tho
Vermillion Dove: She treated you like shit. Steve treated me like I was something which I'm not.
Vermillion Dove: Tonight I couldn't think of a reason to live.
Vermillion Dove: Then I realized if I died, I'd be completely forgotten about after a few monthes.
Vermillion Dove: Thoughts went downhill from there.
shutup19: if you died i would never forget you
Vermillion Dove: ..can you honestly say that
shutup19: i mean it with my all my heart
Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
faced when you left me
A rose in the rain....
So I swore to the razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again
Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the slot for your sacred key
</3
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| The sun shines out of my eyes. This night, it won't set. And the world count loudly up to ten. |
[09 Dec 2004|04:12pm] |
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Ghosts in the Radio- Pretty Girls Make Graves |
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Tom broke up with Patty. </3> love </a>him. x.x
I went to the mall last night with Molly. Beth, Tay, and Kylee were there. I love them. Also, Drew and Lauren were there together. I felt like I was kind of being a bitch, but Drew was calling me a lesbian so I got super pissed.
Then I came back home after going to Molly's for like 10 minutes. I got online even though I wasn't supposed to be on. Shawn talked to me for the first time in a long time, Tom was crying, and Mike wasn't answering. Molly called me and we talked for a bit. Then she had to go. I was practicing my self-gratification and was about to fall asleep when the phone rang next to my head. It was Drew and we started talking and we had a pretty good conversation for about an hour. He was being so nice and sweet. :] It's so adorable how much he cares about Lauren. He's quitting smoking and drinking for her. That's fucking awesome, considering how addicted he is to cigs. I know he would never do that for me. He loves her so much. :)
I got two hugs from him today. They made me really happy.
I want to spend time with Tom so we can get to know eachother.
Next Friday me and Molly are going to New Jersey together for my aunt's Christmas party. It's gonna be awesome. Hopefully we're gonna get wasted, & she wants to try cigarettes. I hate cigs. But whatever idc whatever she wants to do.
Well it's gonna be fun.
School is alright, thanks for asking.
`Dimebag` Darrell Abbott, heavy metal guitarist for the band Pantera, was shot and has died. Rest in peace.
Cassler was pretty upset at lunch because he heard Dimebag got shot but wasn't sure if he was dead or alive.
I am almost sure Michael doesn't care about me anymore. I'm not sure though. I just have this sick little feeling inside.
I'm liking the weather. Cold & rainy. Mmmm <3 ::shiver::
UtterxBlank: Everyone has someone but me.
Vermillion Dove: You have the girl you walk to class and hug.
UtterxBlank: But I want you.
Maybe he does still love me.
I love him more than any single human being on the planet.
Bye.
-M3g4n
(Aren't you proud? This is the first meaningful entry I've done in awhile. :D)
R.I.P. DIMEBAG
EDIT: Tomorrow I'm going skating with Kory & hopefully Jesse Nolan!!!! WAHOO I HAVEN'T HUNG OUT WITH THESE GUYS IN FOREVER.
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| If I kiss your neck, will you slit my throat? |
[03 Dec 2004|03:32pm] |
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Moshi Moshi - Brand New |
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I've got 45 until I'm babysitting two kids up the street for right hours (4 till midnight) so I figured I'd use the time to update.
Nothing fulfilling has happened. School has sucked. Much much paranoia about grades.
I love Mike. He lives in New York. </3>=o
I always put up new pics. <3 http://preventemotionaldrought.yafro.com
If anyone wants me to make them a sign for their online album, let me know. I'm lame and will do stuff like that.
Mike wrote me a poem. <3 About us. <33
Bye.
DarkxCosmos: I would love to hear you wrap on my window one night, I would let you in and lay on my bed with you.
DarkxCosmos: As I play with your hair and smile, for once in my life.
He's oh so perfect. He's an angel. I wish I could be with him and make his dreams come true. And make him smile, and wipe his tears.
And make him happy.
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| With my feet on the dashboard, the world doesn't matter. You're driving me home. |
[30 Nov 2004|09:54pm] |
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Passenger Seat - Death Cab for Cutie |
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As of late, I hate this thing.
I may just stop updating altogether.
I'm giving up on love.
There is someone I want to make happy. Someone who is much too far away.
Except, even though my body is here, crying and worn out, and hating this place.. My heart is with him.
I hate living here. I hate my family. I hate my school. I hate the relationships I have gotten myself into. And finally I find someone who I want to make happy.
THAT'S ALL I FUCKING WANT. AND I CAN'T HAVE IT.
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| And when I see you, I really see you upside-down. |
[29 Nov 2004|11:47am] |
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A Movie Script Ending- Death Cab For Cutie |
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Last night me, Molly, Airrick, and Matt were hanging out at my house, got bored, went to Molly's grandparents up the street. Freddy was playing the violin in the kitchen without a shirt on. We took alot of pics that you can view here. Leave a comment or some Yafro points if you have the chance & let us know what you think.
When I got home I talked to a few people online, took a shower, then called Shawn at midnight. I talked to him until 2. He's amazing (to say the least). I feel like a loser talking to him though. :X
Tom says he may break up with Patty. I just hope it's the right thing. I'm not good or pretty enough for him. I hope he knows that. :/
Bye fuckers.
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| So I've had it with holiday romantics. December is for cynics, December is for critics. |
[27 Nov 2004|10:14pm] |
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December is for Cynics- The Matches |
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Okay like tonight sucked at the mall.
But now I'm at Molly's<3 house and I'm sleeping over
And I can't believe my mom actually let me because I have a sleepover last night
And my mom isn't one to let me do things more than twice a weekend kjdfghkdfjghdfjkghkdfj
No just kidding.
Okay shutup
WTF FINE >:o >:o
Yeah I'm kind of losing it. I've had so much ginger ale in the past two nights it's not even fucking funny.
SHAWN PWNS ME!1!!!11!!1ONE1!1!!!11!!1LYKOMG~1!!!FJDXGHJDFKJ
^ haha yeah. Shawn if you read that.. yeah <3 ha :D
Tom got a xanga so I made an account just for commenting in it.. Lol lame. But I had to mention it, because Jimmy Eat World is the background music, and Sweetness is stuck in my head. <3
Gaaaa Molly is playing the piano, and Andrew found the weed, and fjdghdfjkghdfjkghdfkj
I really can't stand to stay here and make a worthwhile entry. No one reads this bullshit anyways. :D so optimistic <3
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| omg so lyk hie askd mi out n i totli sed ya!1!!!1!one ....okay that's not what happens </3 |
[26 Nov 2004|09:31pm] |
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 okay I guess |
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Cowboy Take Me Away- Dixie Chicks |
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Two best friends are over now <3
Molly's sleeping over <3
Mr. Duerig is bringing Calvin and Hobbes books and ginger ale <3 *orgasm*
I meet really cool people on Buddypic <3
Mike is my mechanical angel and my faraway lover <3
I like Tom. I love Tom. I want Tom. And can't have him. </3> I wanna touch the Earth. I wanna break it in my hand. I wanna grow something wild and unruly. I wanna sleep on the hard ground, in the comfort of your arms on a pillow of blue bonnets, and a blanket made of stars. Oh it sounds so good to me. Yes it sounds so good to me... <3 </i>
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| Vermillian; Part II |
[25 Nov 2004|02:29pm] |
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Vermillion Pt. 2- Slipknot |
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I hate it when your friends get like.... popular.
I don't know, I was just thinking about that.
I wish Airrick wasn't in New York. I hate Thanksgiving because all you do is watch football and eat a big dinner with your family. For some people that might sound great, but not for Megan. I also hate this holiday because since it's a holiday, I probably won't be able to do anything with my friends.
I most definately need some more Calvin and Hobbes books.
I like snow.
I like Tom.
I want a That 70's Show layout. One that is a lot more original than the one I have now. Only thing is, I don't feel like taking the time to make one. Mm.
You emo children are all wrong.
And it makes me laugh until I choke. I'm just a little sick fuck.
I can't think of anything else to write. I really <3 Tom. I wish I was as lucky/great as Patty.
*sigh*
He seemed dressed in all of me, stretched across my shame.
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I`d do anything to have him to myself
Just to have him for myself
Now I don`t know what to do, I don`t know what to do when he makes me sad.
He is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable, He`s a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don`t know what to do, I don`t know what to do when he makes me sad.
But I won`t let this build up inside of me
I won`t let this build up inside of me
I've never been one for Slipknot, but I adore this song <3
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| Like this leaf I fell for you. And just like this leaf I am dying because of you. |
[23 Nov 2004|02:46pm] |
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Nothing, because my mom deleted LimeWire. |
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Stayed home from school today because I'm tired of the repitition.
Signed up an account on Buddypic to entertain me.
Talking to a cool kid named Gary (Katie's boyfriend). I'm loving his poetry.
Bored shitless. Doubt I'm gonna be able to do anything tonight because I stayed home today. I'm not even supposed to be online.
If anyone gave me a call when they read this, I'd be eternally grateful.
Haven't had a MAM day in awhile. *sigh* I want to be with Molly and Airrick, and I want to take pictures. But it seems none of that's happening.
My mom deleted LimeWire because Mr. Duerig said if we have the free version it will put Spyware on our comp.. which is true, because LW admits it, only I didn't read the `fine print` so I wouldn't have known.
But she's gonna buy LimeWire sometime soon which = faster downloading. <3
My mom like hates me because I bitched about her yesterday at counseling. Then I sat around in the dark, in the parking lot, crying my eyes out because I realized how much I hate everything... Like how I'm related to people I can't relate to, how I'm forced to spend almost everyday of my youth waking up against my will at a God forsaken time to go to a place against my will that I hate entirely and completely, how the things I want I just can't have, and how I have the shove my feelings deep down inside, and how I can't tell the person that I really like how I feel... And it's no one I've mentioned liking before, but someone who's always been there. It just hurts wanting to hold someone's hand and go walking with them outside in the autumn air, but not being able to confess wanting to do it, and not being able to tell them you want to do it, and knowing it's not going to happen.
Maybe this entry is a little angsty. Well, atleast I'm not crying anymore. I did enough of that yesterday.
Bye.
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| I'll always love you.. Sweet Zoe Jane. Sweet Zoe Jane. |
[21 Nov 2004|12:22pm] |
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Zoe Jane- Staind |
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The party was pretty cool. I showed up while Dee, Airrick, and Josh were there. Then Katie came. Then like Mick, Spat, and Trecki came at the same time as Molly and Colleen. Then Brittany and Sarah. Then Erin. Then Emily. At first it seemed like it was gon be pretty lame because basically no one was talking. But eventually like everyone just mellowed out (more or less.. idk maybe it was just me) and stuff. Mick was taking pictures which was just plain cool, his camera is the hawtest thing. Mason was just getting the shit beat out of him which everyone enjoyed thoroughly. At one point Dee and Trecki were like messing around with the record player which was funny until her mom and sister came down and screamed their heads off. To make things worse, when Jenine walked away Trecki said really quietly, "Weiner..." which made everyone laugh then Jenine came down and scream some more. Brittany told me she'd pay me ten bucks to kiss Mick so I was like YEAH. Then she was like "If I had it..." but then she got Gabbie to pay me a dollar. So then Sarah and Dee and Gabbie found out I was going to kiss him so they were like NOWNWOWNOWNWOWNWOWNOIEWNYKFGJHG. So then I was like gggggggggggggggggggginalittlebit D: So then I did. I'm not going to say anything about it because to all of my knowledge, Mick reads my LJ. I editted this entry because before I was all 0MG LYK I TIHNK MICCK H8Z MI!11!1!1!11!! but then I realized how stupid of a reason it was. o_o So yeah all I'm doing right now is hanging out.. Everyone left except for me, Brittany, Sarah, Gabbie, Leanna, Katie, Josh, and obviously Dee since she lives here. I'm pretty fucking tired considering I fell asleep between Josh and Brittany and I was like up Josh's ass literally. And then I woke up and I was in a completely different position than before so I was like wtf. I'm kind of sore. x.x Oh well. I had fun.
Dunno what I'm doing today. Mick inspires me to get my cam fixed/get a new one very soon x) I'm gonna bother my mom about it today. I probably won't get anywhere though. Oh well. My life's not as glamorous and exciting as Mick's anyhow.
Maybe I'll do something with Molly and Airrick today. I hope so <3 We haven't had a MAM day in awhile. And idt they had too much fun last night. I feel bad. :(
I'm happy because there are only two and half days this week. I doubt anyone will show up on the half day; Probably just me cause my mom's a whore like that. Fuck it. Goodbye.
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| Weeping in Perplexity's arms, carressing our smiles inside. |
[20 Nov 2004|02:56pm] |
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Bubbles- System of a Down |
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Yesterday I got to leave school after fifth period for no reason cause my mom let me. x) Ohh yeah. Then we went to McDonald's and then home. Where I sat around on my computer, which wasn't even working anyways, but oh well. That's just what I do. Then later after everyone came home from school I started getting ready for RnR. It was awesome. I picked up Molly then we drove to Cheney's house to pick up her and Lena. We all got in the car and I insisted on turning up Disturbed although I was the only one in the car aside from maybe Molly who was into them (Lena and Cheney haven't heard any of their songs except fro DWTS). But yeah we got there and saw Beth and Tay which was coo. Then Sarah and Britt came and it was kinda funny because Sarah's mom wanted to pay to get in with a credit card and so she went up to the front and was talking to them and Sarah was like, "Yeah my mom needs to get the dick out of her ass."
And a few minutes later Katie and Cortney came <3
So that's everyone who was there lol. Mason (NOT Rourke) was there so I hung out with him a little bit but not as much as last week. Evan came although he wasn't supposed to because he broke up with Tay right before RnR and like yeah no one wanted him to show up. o.o Then everyone wanted to kill this ugly indian girl named Shoya or something like that dfghfdkgj Because she cheated with Evan when Evan was going out with Tay. I don't really understand why guys cheat on their hot girlfriends with really ugly girls. I mean wtf. THEN JESSE (not Nolan) CAME AROUND 8:30!!! I haven't seen him in 3 or 4 weeks. So I hung out with him mostly the rest of the night. Lol during the end of the night he stole my Disturbed hat. I was like djfghskjgh aaah please give back. But he and Mason kept throwing it back and forth and me and Molly were trying to get it. Lol eventually I got it back though and gave Mason a hug goodbye and then Jesse<3 a hug goodbye. So yeah that's basically all that happened. I didn't have a sleepover afterwards because
*loud happy music plays*
TONIGHT IS DANIELLE DELANEY SMITH AND AIRRICK JOHN SZALKOWSKI'S 13TH BIRTHDAY
and the girls are invited to sleepover afterwards so like I am. And parents lately have been cocks about only one sleepover per weekend so I am like k whatever. But yeah dudes tonight is gonna be awesome. I am not sure of everyone who is coming but there's gonna be quite a few people as far as I know.
Dunno. I'm going to her house with Molly in about two hours so it's gonna be cool. I haven't been to her house in some time. Woohoo. Dunno what's gonna happen but I had alot of fun at her last party so I'm sure this one is gonna be cool. Maybe I'll update later if I can get on at her house while I'm sleeping over.
Uh yeah... Not much else to say lol. I am crazy about Tom though. He says he think he loves me. After I got back from skating he was talking about what he did all night.. He said he thought of me so much.. I was like <3 0.0 I thought of you too mentally. And idk this morning earliar when we were talking online he was just like I really wanna see you right now.. and I was like I wanna be with you right now and he said Yeah like anywhere I don't even care.. but then he had to go but he should be on later. Idk I really like him but he's with Patty... Not much I can do except wait, like I've been doing for awhile. I don't really mind or care or anything though. I just wish he knew how much he really meant to me.
Alright so I'm out my niggaz. Later.
Walk with me, my little child, to the forest of denial.
I am listening to wayyyy too much SOAD. It's not even funny anymore.
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| You don't care bout how I feel, I don't feel it anymore |
[18 Nov 2004|04:11pm] |
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Shimmy- System of a Down |
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Hey you, see me. Picture's crazy.
All the world I've seen before me passing by.
I've got nothing to gain, to lose.
All the world I've seen before me passing by-ee-i-ee-i.
YOU DON'T CARE BOUT HOW I FEEL. I DON'T FEEL IT ANYMORE.
Extended homeroom today. Finished the quiz in Math, cheated with Katie. x) Got a 12 out of 14 on it <3 Then finished math homework and talked to Nick Baker the rest of the time. Nothing important in Social Studies. Nothing important in Tech Ed. Um went out during Math to talk to Molly in the bathroom. Mrs. Gayasseuler is on to me D: Fourth period English... we um.... had to write some stuff. Fifth period science we took a quiz that I aced cause I'm a nerd like that 8) Lunch was coo. Cassler is out of the hospital. Did I tell you he was in the hospital? Well he was. Cause he had/has bronchitis. Poor kid. :( Well he's a little better I'm guessing. Seventh was German. Didn't really do much except this thing with Jack. Eighth period Study Hall, me, Angela, and Kristin L went down for the first recreational reading we've had in a million years. Ninth period gym we didn't go outside and walk/run. We stayed in and were in the weight room.
Lots of people going to Romp n Roll on Friday. S'gonna be sexxxyyy. Brittany and Sarah are going <3. Brittany asked me to stay till one with them because it's supposed to be totally rock from 11 till 1 or something. I might stay if one of her parents can take me home because there's no way my parents would do that.
Other than that not too much is happening. Dunno what I'm doing tonight. I'll find something fun though. n.n Oh and by the way last night I got a new pair of pants, top, and some other..things... x)
I'm suddenly really excited for Dee's party... woooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Xx M o l l y 101: what do you think they will do at dee's party
EdgesSlowlyxFray: drugzizzles
EdgesSlowlyxFray: tyh,ujcfgkjbfhgkjdf
Xx M o l l y 101: gfg'
Xx M o l l y 101: do you think they will play like those seventh heaven games .... yeah..... aka 7 minutse in heaven=-O
EdgesSlowlyxFray: idk i hope so
EdgesSlowlyxFray: x)
Xx M o l l y 101: sdfkhfsjkhfjs me too!
Xx M o l l y 101: they probaly will play like truth or dare and stuff or omg spin the bottle
Xx M o l l y 101: that is lyke
Xx M o l l y 101: the most original game
Xx M o l l y 101: dfhgd
Xx M o l l y 101: ive like almost never heard of it before
kgtjhdfkjgfdhkgd
I've got to say we are the most idiotic people in the world DGHFD But whatever. The games won't even happen and I don't really care. o_o But I am going to have so much fun >3 Considering the party's from 5 till midnight.. And I might sleepover. Wooo.
Werd, me and Casey are having a kinky conversation x3 Hahaha
BaLPlaYeR24: If there is someone on ur buddy list u would luv to have an epic, sweaty, damn near legendary, 12 hour fuckathon with, copy this in ur profile.. ur wilder than i thought
^That made me laugh so hard XD
Um I have this feeling I am leaving something out but I can't recall so... Laterrrrr.
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| Hier kommt die Sonne.. |
[17 Nov 2004|04:11pm] |
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mood |
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Sonne- Rammstein (and other Rammstein songs) |
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Uh sorry for not updating in a few days. Usually I update at night when my day is done and I'm not doing anything but sometimes my internet explorer turns into a whore so uh I like can't update. Uh I can't remember what I did on Monday so I probably didn't do anything. Last night me and Molly were supposed to do something but she stayed home from school for no reason so the only thing I could do with her was go to the library. o_o So I was like okay nothing else to do.. But then Danielle asked if I wanted to go to Ross Park Mall with her so I was like hell yeah. So I went for a run up and down my street, then took a quick shower and dried and straightened my hair as fast as I could, got some money from my mom to get a shirt, then picked up Danielle. Lol she told me Tom told her to give me a hug for him so I was like ^_^. Um when we got there I got a shirt from Hot Topic that has a No Smoking sign on it and underneath it, it says `There are cooler ways to die.` Um yeah I think it's cool v.v Um basically we just hung out for awhile.. I got a Jones <3 And we went into alot of stores that I usually avoid like Foot Locker and Hollister. Um idk why. We went into this weird store "J.Jill" and there's like a fountain in there and uh it's hawt. We put moneys in it. ^.^ Uh we also saw Justin and Chelsea and I met Chelsea for the first time and she was awesome. They are such a cute.. adorable.... sexy couple lol. I was talking to Cassler on txt messaging and we wanted him to meet us down there but he couldn't cause his parents won't let him. I might be going up to the mall on Saturday and hanging out with him then but who knows. Yeah well today school was school. Dunno what I'm doing tonight. Anyone want to do anything instant message me.
We fought your wars with all our hearts
You sent us back in body parts
You took our wills with the truth you stole
We offer praires for your long lost soul
The remainder is an unjustifiable power struggle at the expense of the American dream, of the American dream, of the American..
We don't give a damn about your world with all your broken promises and all your jeweled pearls.
We don't give a damn about your world, right now, right now.
Ooh by the way, for all of you music downloaders, check this shit out.
http://www.cdburnerxp.se/
^ Totally fucking awesome and free. Probably illegal, but I don't give a shit. THANK YOU SO MUCH MOLLY FOR SHOWING ME IT x)
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| We'll never make another memory. |
[15 Nov 2004|04:32pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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Sick Little Suicide- The Matches |
] |
Um okay today school was boring as all hell.
Saw Drew twice. After ninth I saw him >.< When I was walking to the bus Katrina called my name and I turned around and she nodded over at Drew, I got pissed and walked off.
I feel kind of stupid for getting pissed, but he is such a fucking cock to me. Telling me I did shit and I made all these mistakes and stuff. No, he was the one who was an asshole the whole time. The only mistake I made was putting up with it all. I mean, he could be sweet, he wasn't a total asshole. But he would just do the stupidest shit.. Constantly hit on girls. Verbally and physically. Two seconds after we started going out the second time, he grabbed some girl's ass. His excuse was he was high? Wtf? No.
Yeah well at the moment I'm not regretting much of anything. Drew blocked me, but like, I don't care. Um I'm really sick of his shit and I don't think I will be able to trust anything he says anymore. Except he won't be saying anything to me anymore. Kind of disappointing the way everything all ended but I can't do anything about it.
Right. So. I'm going to RnR on Friday with Kory, and I told Lena to bring "the whole gang" and Katie to come and bring some friends. If they end up going I'll be super happy and have alot of fun. Idk if Molly wants to come but.. I want her to come. o.o
I don't have much else to say except Idk what I'm going tonight but hopefully something with Molly and Airrick.
and also
p0r|\| takes long to download.
Goodbye.
EDIT:</i>
( A Little More About Me )
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| A Year From Now |
[14 Nov 2004|12:21am] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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A Year From Now- Across Five Aprils |
] |
Complete and total adoration
My gift to you, my heart was yours
In 10 weeks you shaped it, in one night you murdered it
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet, that first step you took was the worst
Since then you've walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark
I still have these memories but will never see what we could have been
Remember when we talked about where we would be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you would never let it go?
Remember, because that's all you can do.
We'll never make another memory.
We'll never make another memory.
I wish I would have died in your arms the last time we were together
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today
This time I thought things were real. You said they were. What happened?
You were a priority. Was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
You knew from the beginning that all I had to offer you was my heart. I'm just sorry it wasn't enough.
So we'll go our own ways, and hopefully you'll remember the things I've told you.
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said was in sincerity.
A broken heart was not what I wanted from this, but I guess I've learned from this.
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes? I don't consider this a mistake.
I just wish the story didn't end this way.
Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.
Remember when you held my hand like you would never let it go?
Remember when we talked about where we would be a year from now?
To whom it may concern: I STILL FUCKING LOVE YOU.
Can you hear me or does it not even matter anymore?!
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| They'll feel safer in the dirt, their own opinions won't be hurt. |
[13 Nov 2004|03:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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insane |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Final Act-Mushroomhead & Marilyn Manson |
] |
Okay so last night I went like uh skating and I went by myself but met up with Dee, Jodi, Katie, Gabbie, and this girl I just met named Lauren who is cool. Um yeah and then what I did was skate. Um someone in that group got kicked out for like no good reason, so then everyone else was gonna leave to go hang out at Giant Eagle down the road and they asked me if I wanted to go with them but I said no. So mostly I hung out with Mason <3 (NOT Rourke) and Brittany and Sarah <3 <3. ^_^ Mason kind of seemed like he liked me but I don't know. Dee said he was acting like he liked me for the time she was around. But yeah Idrc because I like Tom, and Mason and me and just good friends and we have fun together. :)
So then after skating I went over to Gabbie's with "the group", excluding Brittany and Sarah because Jodi and Sarah like hate eachother? Which is not cool because I would have much rather hung out with Brit and Sarah longer. But yeah when we got into Gabbie's house her gram was out somewhere, so they all took out cigs and started smoking. I thought it was gross and got a little sick so I waited in the living room and waited for them to finish. Dee came out and we talked awhile. Um then me and Dee went up into a bedroom upstairs and fell asleep before like everyone. Then after we woke up um we basically did nothing except watch some scenes from "Stigmata" which is a really fucking awesome movie. Um yeah so "the group" is at the mall shopping for bday presents for this girl that I don't know.
Um I think I am hanging out with Molly and Airrick later today and I want to hang out with Tom but he might be grounded and I don't think he'd want to. Brit and Sarah invited me to go to The Casualties and Lower Class Brats concert with them but I donno I am kind of hesitant because Drew and his older brother are going and I guess the odds of me seeing him aren't very good, but I wouldn't really like to take the chance. :( Plus I would have to get a ride over to Sarah's in like an hour and I am home alone and I don't think they will be home anytime soon which sucks cock. So I donno -_-
I really wanna do something with Tom but yeah you know Idek.. lol I'm being a little contradictory right there
rtgjhfdjksfg
I don't knoooooow... blah I've been thinking about Tom alot which is gay and I don't like thinking about people who I don't believe think about me fbnmhdfgj I'M GETTING OUT DFJGHDFK
LEAVE SOME COMMENTS OR MAYBE DON'T
TEFHKJFDHKJG
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| I'm gonna fight the war and use my music as a weapon. |
[12 Nov 2004|04:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 energetic, anxious, excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
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A whole bunch of Disturbed and SOAD songs |
] |
Last night I went to Northway Mall with Molly and um that's basically all I did, heh. I was fretting over Drew but then a little bit later Tom called the cell and we were kinda talking but we were both a little quiet, me because I was shy, and Tom was quiet I think because he was worried about Patty being mad at him. So we talked for awhile and he said he wanted me, and I said I wanted him. lol he was like "Really? Thanks." And we talked a little after that, but then me and Molly had to go so I said I'd call him back when I got home. So I took a shower then called him and talked until he wanted to get off because he was exhausted from lacrosse.
Yeah today at school sucked like usual. First period SS all I did was take notes and write a note to Molly. Second period Tech Ed I came in late because Mr. Peirce said I was supposed to go to the GATE room but um I wasn't. Third period Math I didn't pay attention like usual, wrote more of the note. I'm probably getting a D in that class now. -_- After 3rd I gave Molly the note. Fourth period I was reading a note that Molly gave me that was funny as hell. It had the best pictures and there was a picture of a side-by-side comparison of Tom and Drew which made me crack up. Ms. Washington tooks the note lmao and saw the picture of Tom and Drew and was like WTF but she didn't read the note or read it out loud and she gave it back after class and she wasn't mad, so it was funny as hell. Fifth period me, Lena, and Jake finished our poster. Sixth period lunch was pretty cool except mostly everyone was sad except for me, Cassler, and Katrina so yeah that was fun. Cassler showed me more of the lyrics he wrote and the lyrics for "Nymphetamine" by COF. Um we made like a model out of bottles of how babies are made. Haha it was great. Seventh period German we took a test and I got a B on it and I finished my homework so that was good. Eighth period study hall I wrote down lyrics on scraps of paper like always. And ninth period gym I got to run some errand for some teacher instead of sitting outside of the stupid boring pool like usual. Haha on Monday we are back in the locker room. Woo kick ass. Only bad thing is that I'll see Drew after 9th on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. *sighs*
I'd really rather not see him anymore. It ruins how I am feeling at the time and makes me miss him. I saw him twice today. It kind of sucked. I miss him so much but I need to get the fuck over him, because I'm not getting him back, things will never be what they were, things will never be what I want them to be. But whatthefuckever I need to shut up.. I'm in a good mood because I'm going skating tonight and the `oldbies` are going. Ja it's gonna be sweet as fuck; I'm already listening to Disturbed and SOAD to get me in the mood. Wooooo so happy... I haven't been skating in weeks :3
So yeah I'm in a good mood for the time being..........
Yeah I'm thinking I may wait for Tom as long as that may take. Like, I don't want to get in the way, so I will just sit this out and wait for something to happen :) I care alot about him though. I definately want to get to know him better and hang out with him. <3
Later everyone.
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| Now there have been several complications that ripping, tearing, feeding, growing inside of me. |
[11 Nov 2004|05:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blaaah |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Liberate- Disturbed |
] |
Last night I broke up with Drew because everything felt terrible and wrong and I didn't think he cared, he hit on other girls while we were going out, blah blah blah, a whole bunch of shit. So then he started talking to me after he came back from being idle and he didn't realize I broke up with him cause I guess he didn't get the messages. So then I resent them and then he said so much stuff that made me looooove him again cfgjkhgk
So I was almost in tears because I thought I was over him but I knew then that I still loved him more than anything. So I wrote him a note because my mom screamed at me for being on the computer at almost 12 and I couldn't talk on the phone. I gave Molly the note who gave it to Drew first thing after I left. So he wrote me one back and it says:
Megan I still love you so much. I didn't want it to end here but the reasons that you broke up with me makes me think people say I'm a player. Well I'm not, I've just made some horrible mistakes very bad mistakes. I don't want it to end here but if I'm only gonna hurt you maybe we shouldn't talk again. If you got this try and write back, hopefully you can. If you can't just call me later or I'll call you.
So I wrote back a little later and Molly gave it to him at lunch and she told me before seventh period that he was saying that he wanted to get back with me. So I went into German feeling slightly better than I had been feeling.
And by the end of the day I had finally realized what I wanted even though I had been confused the whole time and I realized I wanted him.
Then I come home and this happens.
----------
Theunseen6 (4:59:28 PM): did mollyn tel lu
EdgesSlowlyxFray (4:59:52 PM): she tried to tell me something but she like forgot so i was pissed
Theunseen6 (5:00:17 PM): i told her ot tell u that i dont think we should go out again
EdgesSlowlyxFray (5:02:45 PM): then she lied to me and said that you did want to go out again... wow i thought wrong about everything all day
Theunseen6 (5:03:18 PM): i changed my mind megan
-
Auto response from EdgesSlowlyxFray (5:03:18 PM):
Bleeding now, I'm
Crying out, I'm
Falling down, and I'm feel nothing like...
Laughing now, I'm stopping now, I'm..ooh... reaching out and I'm feeling nothing
YEAHEAH
YOU'VE CREATED A RIFT WITHIN ME
NOW THERE HAVE BEEN SEVERAL COMPLICATIONS THAT HAVE LEFT ME FEELING NOTHING
I MIGHT SAY... YOU WERE WRONG TO TAKE IT FROM ME
you left me feeling nothing
updating this bitch...
-
EdgesSlowlyxFray (5:04:48 PM): what made you change your mind
Theunseen6 (5:05:23 PM): iono i just changed my mind amandai dont wanna go through it all again i think we should just stop seeing eachother altogether
EdgesSlowlyxFray (5:05:43 PM): yeah you just called me amanda
EdgesSlowlyxFray (5:05:48 PM): i knew i never mattered to you
EdgesSlowlyxFray (5:06:08 PM): i thought i could do it right this time... Today I finally realized what I wanted and it's you
Theunseen6 (5:06:11 PM): i alwas mix up names!
EdgesSlowlyxFray (5:06:16 PM): Guess I finally got what I deserved
Theunseen6 (5:06:37 PM): u kno i mix up names
Theunseen6 (5:07:03 PM): plus i was just talking to shmetzer
EdgesSlowlyxFray (5:07:44 PM): so you just want to forget about me altogether
Theunseen6 (5:09:29 PM): i guess u could say that
EdgesSlowlyxFray (5:14:11 PM): i guess this is bye forever then
----------
yeah well I am leaving now and forgetting about everything.
I'll be at Northway Mall with Molly
nothing lasts -.-
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